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2013-05-19
From: BluBlaDe (more)
Comments: Wow Sam has a mom? I thought he had two dads.
Rating: n/a
2013-03-14
From: Peter (more)
Comments: No, what you need to get is tested for AIDS. Sorry, but I just don't like to wear condoms.
Rating: n/a
2013-03-14
From: Sam (more)
Comments: Still haven't got this one. I really ought to get it though!
Rating:
2013-03-06
From: Alex Trebek (more)
Comments: Who are sleeping with Sam's mom every night?
Rating: n/a
2013-03-04
From: Sam (more)
Comments: Niggers
Rating:
2012-06-02
From: BluBlaDe (more)
Comments: HAven't played it a lot, the only shooter I played on this console was Cloud Master and after load of practice I made it to level 2 I think. Still fuck it.
Rating: n/a
2012-05-16
From: Rain (more)
Comments: This game had me and the family up on several saturday nights trying to finish it and better eachothers scores. a few months later i passed the 3rd level and...back to the beginning. nothing is more anticlimatic than games that did that. Good game for a few short hours of entertainment though
Rating:
2012-01-19
From: BluBlade (more)
Comments: I've found another crazy shit for that on youtube, it's called TVTROPES. There's fucked up guys there that fantasms about Sonic the Hedgehog and incest too.
Rating: n/a
2011-12-03
From: Peter (more)
Comments: Fool, this site is for reviewing Sega Master System games, not for promoting some dumbass online strategy game. Now, I will grant you that much of the focus of this site has recently been that of various and sundry perverts regaling the rest of us with their repugnant incest fantasies, so I can accept a measure of confusion on your part. However, for future reference, this site is for Master System game reviews AND gross stories about your mom touching your willy or your sister giving you head, shit lick that, NOT for the promotion of bullshit online games. End transmission.
Rating: n/a
2011-12-03
From: BluBlaDe (more)
Comments: Explains more of this game instead of posting that link. Wait just tells us a story of that time you did something to your sister. That's all this site is about right ?
Rating: n/a
2011-11-27
From: BluBlaDe (more)
Comments: Gay and Amish, what the fuck is wrong with you Sam ? Bet dad told you being gay was really religious and normal and you listened to his every words.
Rating:
2011-10-05
From: Danny (more)
Comments: Good for a few hours of entertainment, I guess, but can be very repetitive (if you're good at it) or very frustrating (if you're not).
Rating:
2011-07-04
From: Paul (more)
Comments: Okay game, I guess, but the lack of any detailed backstory made me wonder why I was tasked with killing thousands of aliens. I could not help but feel manipulated.
Rating:
2010-09-21
From: kevin ballard (more)
Comments: sega master system is absolutly fabulous old school classic sms gives you that spectacular style video games hall of fame formula all to bring back the old classic video games thats all i ask thank you.
Rating:
2007-12-01
From: Segamanxero (more)
Comments: I had this game growing up, and got it again recently. Although I never could make it past the 2nd level (i must suck) i still love it (one day ill whoop this games but)
Rating:
2007-08-26
From: flavio88 (more)
Comments: this game is a nightmare
Rating:
2007-08-08
From: Lennon (more)
Comments: awesome game. anyone know what happens after the second time you beat it? do the amount of projectiles from the enemies just keep increasing?
Rating:
2007-04-18
From: spellcaster (more)
Comments: i remembered when i 1st played this game back in the day, i liked it , but hated the 2nd stage where things were flying way to fast, lol. but over all this game ruled!
Rating:
2006-08-10
From: Hezbollah Harry (more)
Comments: This game is intertaining, if repetitive. I like to pretend that, instead of aliens, I am shooting at the Zionist occupiers of our holy places and their decadent American masters.
Rating:
2006-08-10
From: Sam (more)
Comments: Peter... Check Out My Myspace!! new pictures!! LOVE
Rating:
2006-07-06
From: Stubby (more)
Comments: On 20/20 they did a story on this Amish girl who was repeatedly raped by her brothers and whenever she'd complain to her mom she'd get severely punished. The mom had the dentist pull all her teeth out without anesthesia! Apparently it's common practice that the Amish get their teeth pulled and wear dentures at some point in their lives to save on dental bills or whatever but damn that was cold. I thought the story would get me all hot on my typically lonely Friday night but I felt sad and dirty after seeing it. Thanks a lot, 20/20. The girl has since left the Amish community and made a much better life for herself so there was a happy ending, just not the kind I was hoping for :( FUCK THE AMISH!!!!
Rating: n/a
2006-07-06
From: Stimie (more)
Comments: I wonder if an Amish girl has ever been raped.
Rating: n/a
2006-06-29
From: Stimie (more)
Comments: I saw a Amish girl's ankle onetime. Made the Amish guy standing next to me pass out.
Rating: n/a
2006-06-29
From: Peter (more)
Comments: Yes...I think it has something to do with their conservative, head-to-toe dress and general piousness. It makes me want to corrupt them and ruin their lives with an unspeakable torrent of my sinful and disgusting appetites. Fuck barn-raisings, I want to raise them dresses! Hoist thine linens, bitches, daddy coming home and he's gonna use the backdoor. I like the bonnets, too.
Rating: n/a
2006-06-29
From: Sam (more)
Comments: ive taken note of a couple of those Amish girls are hot though. they can come and load my timber if they want.
Rating:
2006-06-28
From: Peter (more)
Comments: Normally yes, but I know my share of Mormons that drink and smoke. It's just as easy for an Amish person to stray from the path of righteousness.
Rating: n/a
2006-06-28
From: Sam (more)
Comments: They cant possibly see it Peter.... its on a website... on the internet... on a computer... Im safe :) they cant come near a computer. :D:D
Rating:
2006-06-27
From: Peter (more)
Comments: You better hope some apostate Amish person doesn't see that. They're bad mother-fuckers!
Rating: n/a
2006-06-27
From: Weird Al (more)
Comments: Damn you!
Rating: n/a
2006-06-27
From: Sam (more)
Comments: As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain But that's just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699 We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise I've churned butter once or twice Living in an Amish paradise It's hard work and sacrifice Living in an Amish paradise We sell quilts at discount price Living in an Amish paradise A local boy kicked me in the butt last week I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek I really don't care, in fact I wish him well 'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat And my homies all I agree I look good in black... fool If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare We're just technologically impaired There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar Not a single luxury Like Robinson Caruso It's as primitave as can be We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise We're just plain and simple guys Living in an Amish paradise There's no time for sin and vice Living in an Amish paradise We don't fight, we all play nice Living in an Amish paradise Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another Think you're really rightous? Think you're pure in heart? Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife So don't be vain and don't be whiny Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie We been spending most our lives Living in an Amish paradise We're all crazy Mennonites Living in an Amish paradise There's no cops or traffic lights Living in an Amish paradise But you'd probably think it bites Living in an Amish paradise
Rating:
2006-04-03
From: Sam (more)
Comments: alive.... i like to stop children from being alive... A BABYS PELVIS
Rating:
2006-04-03
From: Stimie (more)
Comments: classic game. Made me happy to be alive!
Rating:
2006-02-26
From: Josh (more)
Comments: This was around the 3rd game I ever had in my life. It was fun and I sure played the heck out of it, but it wouldn't win any awards. The worst part is you get more powerful as you go along but loose it all when you die. So you'd get really far with like 5 ships and then as soon as you'd die once you very quickly loose the game because you lost all your powerups.
Rating:
2005-12-28
From: Sam (more)
Comments: Tasty Chinese
Rating:
2005-12-02
From: Sam (more)
Comments: I really need to get this, for some reason i really like the boxes with the very simple box art... this is mainly with games made between 1986 and 1988. Oh yes.
Rating:
2005-09-29
From: liam (more)
Comments: this gam was way before my tim but still i played it and was amazed at the involment of this game lol
Rating:
2005-02-22
From: Lanny (more)
Comments: I had this one with the Hang-on/AStro Warrior bundle, My favorite SMSgame after Wonder BOY3. So sad it only lasted 3 levels, but it was a blast! I still play It till this day, my master system still works , can't believe it. i just wished it had two more levels. i always hoped for a sequel , Istill do, hey SEGA look back to your classics please!!!!!!!!
Rating:
2005-02-20
From: pondermuffin (more)
Comments: A whisper in the desert: a lie. A fart in the wind: a panacea. Oh, when did I fall down the bottomless pit of ignorance? Never give a handjob to a camel.
Rating:
2004-07-30
From: cristfc (more)
Comments: não tenho certeza mas se eu bem me lembro este foi o primeiro jogo de Master System que eu e meu irmão joguemos, o ms veio com hang on e safari hunt na memória, mas parece q foi o AW o primeiro jogado:bom, vamos ao review: Eu não joguei nenhum outro jogo do gênero para Master System (nave) a fundo (no máximo eu via a primeira tela e já tirava), mas tenho certeza de q eu não preciso jagar outro para dizer q este é, se não o melhor, UM DOS MELHORES JOGOS DE NAVE PARA MASTER SYSTEM!! Se você é daquele que adquire um game apenas olhando a foto da caixinha, se enganará feio! A foto simples (e minúscula) do "aviãozinho" atirando na "roda de carreta" esconde por trás um grande classicão para Master System capaz de superar, tenho certeza muitos games do gênero para a geração 16, 32, 64, 128 bits; e não é exagero, a simplicidade do game, as cores vivas do Master System, o som, a jogabilidade e etc... fazem Astro Warrior um game divertidíssimo, a dificuldade não é exagerada como em muitos outros games de nave qcv por aí (devido a maioria serem para arcade) e ainda tem uns power ups bem legais. O texto escrito na caixa de versão americana já diz tudo: "The Mega Cartridge", com apenas 1 Mega o game consegue se superar mesmo!!!
Rating:
2004-01-05
From: ADAM (more)
Comments: LETS SEE 3 LEVELS ZANONI- USED TO CALL IT ZAMBONI- I STILL DO!! NABEROS GIANT LAZERIZED BAT BAZIBLE- CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND RIP-OFF EASILY SOLVABLE WITH EMULATION
Rating:
2003-11-17
From: Kleber Gobbi (more)
Comments: Porra! Esse jogo era do caralho. Mas, bicho, com tanta nave lançando os seus lasers contra mim, voando rapidamente em minha direção e o cacete a quatro, não consegui zerar esse jogo nem fodendo. Pô, que jogo foda!
Rating:
2003-11-15
From: blegh (more)
Comments: SURELY REVIVE ZANONI fucking cunt of a game like transbot
Rating:
2003-10-02
From: Yoda (more)
Comments: I dont know how to play
Rating:
2003-07-21
From: CRAIG BARR (more)
Comments: BLOODY FANTASTIC .....I HAD THIS WHEN I WAS YOUNGER BUT REALLLY ENJOY IT NOW(2003)WHEN I BOUGHT IT UP CHEAP !!!!!!!!!!! GREAT RETRO FUN!!!!!!!!!!! BEST SCROLLING SHOOTER IT HAS EVERYTHING!!!!
Rating:
2003-06-20
From: Shion (more)
Comments: This was the first master system game I got, other than Hang On/Safari Hunt. A friend told me he beat this game once, and I actually believed him(i was only 8 at the time). So I was on a mission to beat it. I played the hell out of this game, I think I got to the point where I repeated those 3 levels about 10 times or so in one game, then my friend tells me one day he was only kidding, and it does last forever like I had thought it did. That bastard!
Rating:
2003-06-20
From: LaFemmeVelveeta (more)
Comments: I'm not a big shooter fan in the first place and this game never did anything to change that. Very repetitive and fun for roughly fifteen minutes or so. It's as good as any overhead shooter ever was, though. A rating of five seems fair.
Rating:
2003-06-16
From: Eric (more)
Comments: I love this game!! is there a end tho? or does it just cycle forever?
Rating:
2003-05-13
From: Jovan (more)
Comments: I love this game! First game I ever had .... first game I had with the Master System. Now, I wanna find it again! :-)
Rating:
2003-05-07
From: Ro (more)
Comments: This is a fun game to play! The best part is that you only needed to use one button on your joypad! (Try hooking the old Atari joystick to the SMS!)
Rating:
2003-04-08
From: Wi Wi Jumbo (more)
Comments: I've never been much of a shooter fan, but I really enjoyed this game. I completely forgot about that "SURELY REVIVE" stuff until I read it in Jeremy's post. That always cracked me up. Perhaps something was lost in the translation, but it always made me feel as if my SMS was rooting for Zanoni.
Rating:
2003-03-19
From: blabediblah (more)
Comments: i really liked this game. despite the fact that it's really just three levels that cycle endlessly. If you like Galaga, Space Invaders and the like, how could you not like a game where you can pretty much do all the same things, but also go somewhere instead of staying in place and acting like a damned turret. Not that it wasn't fun being a turret.
Rating:
2003-03-12
From: Nakisha Murphy (more)
Comments: Does this game come in ps2? I would like to have these game once again in my home.
Rating:
2003-03-01
From: John Eggett (more)
Comments: it never bloody ends :O
Rating:
2003-02-15
From: raki (more)
Comments:
Rating:
2002-12-23
From: Duncan (more)
Comments: Beautiful, beautiful game. It's just so much fun...
Rating:
2002-10-18
From: Lou (more)
Comments: Pretty damn good shooter. Plug in an RFU (rapid fire unit for you sega heads) and hold down buttons 1&2 at the beginning of the game and your "helpers" will appear. If you dont have an RFU.....Time for your "track&field" skills to take over!
Rating:
2002-10-13
From: jeremy (more)
Comments: First game I ever got. Good space shooter but it woulda been cool if there were more than 3 levels. And if 3 levels is really all they could manage, then come on, at least gimme a good ending...and what does "SURELY REVIVE ZANONI" mean? eh.....7 seems fair.
Rating:
2002-09-28
From: GRRRRRRRR (more)
Comments:
Rating:
2002-09-05
From: Wilburt (more)
Comments: I love this game. Its fun to shoot up the ship and gain upgrades. It is very hard once you lose your shit though, you gotta face the tougher levels with no upgrades!
Rating:
2001-06-30
From: NetLink-1 (more)
Comments: Astro Warrior is the game to have for your Master System. Graphics are impressive for 8-bit. Music is out of this world. Gameplay is fun, fun, fun. I tip my hat to Sega for making this classic!
Rating:
2001-06-16
From: PS2 (more)
Comments: 10/10 in 1987.
Rating:
2001-06-12
From: The Undertaker (more)
Comments: Awesome shoot 'em up, I love this game. They don't make 'em like this anymore.
Rating:
2001-06-04
From: Kristin Herndon (more)
Comments: This is one of the best sega games ever! I've played this game since I was seven years old and I still love it...definitely a classic!
Rating:
2001-05-07
From: Ro (more)
Comments: This Game closely resembles Star Force
Rating:
2001-05-01
From: Mathew Moore (more)
Comments: This was a GREAT shooter! A very nice variety if weapons and enemies. This was a great game to have come with the Master System.
Rating:
2001-04-30
From: Nathan (more)
Comments: yes yes, we all love this game. The many hours of playing this game as a kid help my skills at Raiden 2 which I spend most of my tips I make at work playing.
Rating:
2001-04-18
From: odin (more)
Comments: this was the 1st game i owend, and it is one of the best shooters ever, the only problem was that it only had 3 stages. Did u ever do the trick for all weapons at the begining???
Rating:
2001-03-16
From: STEVE (more)
Comments: This games rocks. I bought it again this year because it kicks so much a$$!!! Can't stop playing it just like when i was ten.
Rating:
2001-03-11
From: Noah (more)
Comments: I LOVED this game! This picture really brings back memmories. I have been missing my Sega Masters for about 8 years now (3/10/2001). If you like classic games this is my favorite I REALLY recommened this.
Rating:
2001-03-05
From: Trance Strider (more)
Comments: Astro Warrior is like the energizer bunny. It keeps going and going and going and going..........
Rating:
